Are you SURE you want to see that one?

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

2005-01-04T16:48:12Z

Wes Anderson (Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums) brings more of his quirky imagination to the cinema with this, his latest film, co-written by Noah Baumbach (Kicking and Screaming).

The Plot:
Plot summary by Internet movie database: Internationally famous oceanographer Steve Zissou and his crew--Team Zissou--set sail on an expedition to hunt down the mysterious, elusive, possibly non-existant Jaguar Shark that killed Zissou's partner during the documentary filming of their latest adventure. They are joined on their voyage by a young airline co-pilot who may or may not be Zissou's son, a beautiful journalist assigned to write a profile of Zissou, and Zissou's estranged wife and co-producer, Eleanor. They face overwhelming complications including pirates, kidnapping, and bankruptcy.

The Players:
Bill Murray (Lost in Translation, Rushmore, oh come on, it's Bill Murray) plays Steve Zissou. Zissou is somewhere between a washed up movie star and Jacques Cousteau. He struggles to find his feet in a world that seems to need him less and less and regard him as little more than a relic from another world. He is quirky and charming and foolish. Murray turns in another stellar performance, as he's done for Anderson again and again.

Owen Wilson (Royal Tenenbaums, Starsky and Hutch) plays Ned, Zissou's possible son. He's a pilot for Air Kentucky and his accent makes me flinch even more than Don Cheadle's badly done accent in the Ocean's 11 movies. It's inconsistent and basically incorrect, but frankly, you wind up not caring in the long run. He's a little dopey, extremely conscientious and tremendously funny. Again, Wilson has a great chemistry with Anderson and Murray, and it comes through on the film.

Cate Blanchett (Lord of the Rings, The Missing) plays Jane Winslett-Richardson, a reporter for an oceonagraphic magazine who serves both as the thorn in Zissou's side and his hope for life as a documentary film maker. Dealing with her own demons in the form of an illegitimate pregnancy and struggling to find her story, she adds to the mix that which only a new woman on a ship can: sexual tension.

Other notables in the film include Willem DaFoe (Spiderman, Shadow of the Vampire) as Klaus, the german first hand on the ship that makes me laugh anytime he's on the screen; Anjelica Huston as Eleanor Zissou, the brains in the Zissou organization; Michael Gambon as Oseary Drakoulias, Zissou's rather blunt and quirky producer; and Jeff Goldblum as Alistair Hennessy, Zissou's arch nemesis.

Overall:
If you're looking for another Royal Tenenbaums, you're not going to get it. Anderson has managed to write each of his films very differently, and this film is no exception. It's much more quirky and offbeat, while still dealing with the issues of family, relationships, love and self-discovery. The performances by all of the players are top notch and the story moves fairly easily along.

The undersea graphics are fun, and the colors and sets all serve to give a sense of the fantastical or magical in the film, while Zissou's crew and their idiosyncracies tend to emphasize this as well. The film has a very retro feel with a very modern story line.

The other thing to keep in mind about the film is this: it's a creeper. While it sometimes moved slowly and sometimes was just plain silly, overall the ultimate feel of the movie left me entertained. And that's what I paid for.

To Sum Up:
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou is rated R for language, drug use, some nudity and violence.
If you like Wes Anderson, Bill Murray or Owen Wilson, then go see it. If you're looking for something light and entertaining, put it on your list.

Shaun of the Dead

2004-09-26T00:02:53Z

The Plot:
This synopsis is taken from the earthlink entertainment page On Friday, Shaun is in a rut. At 29, he's coasted through life--and still hasn't gotten very far, usually winding up at the local pub, the Winchester. His roommate Ed looks up to him--when he can take his eyes off the TV, that is. Liz is re-evaluating their relationship, particularly after Shaun fails to do something special for their anniversary on Saturday. That day, there are train delays, people fainting in the streets, TV news reporters on unexplained calamities. No, it can't be--but it is--the dead have risen. Saturday's isolated incidents mushroom into a full-on zombie assault and, once daylight breaks, it's Sunday bloody Sunday. As manners and flesh take a beating, it's time to separate men from meat, humans from zombies, and living from undead. Shaun and Ed grab whatever is at hand to repel the attacking zombies, summoning reserves of strength they didn't know they possessed and straining muscles they forgot they had. Rounding up friends and family, they press on towards the sanctuary of the Winchester. All that stands in their way are hordes of the flesh eating undead

The Players
Simon Pegg (British television and sketch comedy mostly) plays Shaun. Shaun is that twenty-something that wants to do things with his life. Someday. He's charming and he's funny, he's that guy everyone likes because he's everybody's pal. He's the one who'll come to work on Saturday, even if he had other plans. Or he'll take the blame for the mistake his friends made. He's that guy. Once the Zombie attacks start, though, he's the guy that surprises and charms us all by coming through in a pinch. I am a little in love with him.

Kate Ashfield (mostly smaller production company films) plays Liz, that girl who probably loves Shaun but needs more from her life than going down to the local pub every night for entertainment. She's that other twenty something who wants more from her life. Today. She sees Shaun, as loveable as he is, as a hindrance to the life she wants rather than as a way to get there. But she also is willing to follow him when he steps up to try and help save the day.

Most of the other actors in the film are known mainly through British smaller films. You may recognize Penelope Wilton from Calendar Girls as Shaun's mum.

Overall
The greatest thing about this film is that it's not sure if it's a comedy or a zombie film, and much to my relief, it's both. The dialogue is great and never forced. It's campy without being ridiculous, and it's edgy without being terrifying. The zombies are at once frightening, if not a little pathetic and sad. The film flows beautifully, transitioning from a story about a man who's been dumped to horror movie and back again without seams. The film is funny, scary, poignant and marvelously entertaining. As a fan of the horror movie that makes me laugh, this movie is without a doubt one of the strongest horror movies I've seen. Don't let the humor fool you: there is plenty of gore and tension. And death. Always with the death in the horror movies.

To Sum Up:
Shaun of the Dead is rated R for Zombie gore and violence as well as language.
Nudity/Sex: None
Language: fairly strong, but not inappropriately so
Violence: plenty. It's a zombie movie.

If you like horror movies, go see it. If you like dry humor, go see it. If you want to be entertained, go see it. If you really really can't stand seeing entrails, hold off.
That's all for me, save me the seat in the middle.

Along Came Polly

2004-01-19T21:38:09Z

Every now and then it's nice to see a movie on opening weekend. This was one of those movies I really wanted to see in the previews, but secretly feared all the best parts were in the preview and I'd pay money to hate it. It was so not the case for me.

The Plot
Ruben is in risk assessment for an insurance company. He knows what all the risks are in nearly every situation. For example, he knows that you have a 1 in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So he keeps his risks low. He avoids situations where he could get hurt, sick or any number of bad outcomes.

When his wife cheats on him with a French scuba instructor on their honeymoon, his world is a little off-kilter. That's when he runs into Polly, a friend from middle school who lives her life moment to moment, moving around, eating ethnic food and dancing salsa and all manner of dangerous activities. Ruben feels like Polly's in his life for a reason, and the trick is to see if he can overcome his paralyzing fear of taking a risk in order to be with a woman who makes him feel more than he ever has.

The Players
Ben Stiller (Meet the Parents, There's Something About Mary) plays Ruben. He's a great neurotic mess. He's awkward and nervous and jumpy and hysterically funny. Stiller plays these characters so well: the guy who is unnerved by his entire world around him. He's charming and offputting all at once. It's fun to watch him evolve in the film as he deals with Lisa (the cheating wife) and moves on to Polly.

Jennifer Aniston (The Good Girl, "Friends") plays Polly. Polly's adventurous and she's fun and she's a bit psychotic. But she's also very noncommital, she's flighty and she can't sit still for more than 20 minutes. Either she's a commitmentphobe or she has ADD. Or a little of both. But she's charming and funny and adorable. Just like Anniston is in all of her roles. Except The Good Girl, which made me want to tear my hair out just for a change. But that's not the point. The point is that Anniston is great in this film.

Other gems in the film include Alec Baldwin as Ruben's rather disgusting boss, Debra Messing as Lisa, the cheating first wife and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the completely wonderful washed up actor who is Ruben's best friend. The man who steals the movie, as he does in every film in which he appears, is Hank Azaria as Claude, the french nudist scuba instructor. I have no words for how just completely fantastic he is. He is worth the money, if only for the 10 minutes he's on screen. Not to mention the fact that that dude is cut. Sheesh.

Overall
First off, no one warned me that this movie would be a lot of bathroom humor. And I mean that literally: lots of fart jokes and plenty of scenes in the bathroom. I'm not complaining, it was pretty damn funny. The film is fun, it's funny, it's disgusting, and it's charming. It's everything a movie with Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller should be.

And it has the speech that Silent Bob's speech should have been in Chasing Amy and Annoying Me. Or whatever that movie was called.

Anyway, it's not a chick flick, it's not a dick flick. it's a good date movie, if you know that your date won't be offended by toilet humor. A good indicator is this: If you'd take your date to an Austin Powers or a Farrelly Brothers movie, you can take your date to this movie.

To Sum Up
Along Came Polly is rated PG-13 for sexual content, language, crude humor, and some drug references. There's some brief nudity (butt shots), a bit of violence (not much at all) and lots of crude humor.

This flick was definitely worth the full price, and possibly worth a look when it comes out for DVD.

Calendar Girls

2004-01-18T17:20:21Z

Since my mom's in town, I let her pick the movie. So we caught this film, based on a true story.

The Plot
Chris and Annie are middle aged best friends who live nearby, work together, play together and who attend Women's Institute in their small town in North Yorkshire. When Annie's husband is stricken by cancer, the women decide to make a nude calendar in order to raise funds to buy a better sofa for the relatives' room in the local hospital. They have to find the women willing to pose for the pictures, the photographer to take them and a way to actually get the calendar made.

The Players
Helen Mirren (Gosford Park, Teaching Mrs. Tingle) is Chris, the brains behind the idea. She's a flighty woman who has lost a dear friend in John, she's trapped in a life she may or may not have chosen, and she wants to make a change, to shake things up. She does so with the idea for the calendar, but also in the direction she chooses to go with it. She is trying to break free from a life her mother dictated to her and she feels she has nothing to lose. But she learns in the course of the experience that she has more to lose than she imagined.

Julie Walters (Harry Potter films, Billy Elliot) plays Annie, the widow who resolves to give something beautiful to her husband. She is strong, but always just on the edge of falling apart. She's bewildered and blessed by the response the calendar receives. At the heart of it all, she's part of a friendship that is stressed and tested, but that provides strength in a time of mourning and laughter in a time of tears.

Overall
This film is fun, funny, charming and just plain a great 2 hours. It examines these women in the time of their life where they should supposedly be hanging back, raising their children, making jams and cakes and fading into their golden years. These women, however, don't settle in for a quiet life. They do something wild that gets away from them, but it also brings them back home. While it addresses this phenomenon that became a best selling calendar (even outselling Britney Spears and Cindy Crawford), the heart of the story is these friends, these women who support each other, convict each other and who love each other.

To Sum Up
Calendar Girls is rated PG 13 for nudity, some language and drug-related material.
Sex/Nudity Well, they ARE shooting a nude calendar.
Language Not terribly bad. enough to keep it PG-13, but no worse.
Violence None.

This is a great film. It tugged at my heart, it made me evaluate my friendships and it made me love life, no matter what stage of my life I currently inhabit. And, above all that, it's just plain funny. Definitely a full price film, worth consideration as something to keep. I'll probably buy it for my mom for her birthday, at the least.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Matchstick Men

2003-09-17T17:23:29Z

At the end of a summer congested with 2 or 3 great movies, several good ones and huge pile of suck, it's nice to ring in the autumn with a slew of anticipated movies and find out that at least one of them is really great.

The Plot:
Roy and Frank are con men. Roy's got a slew of neuroses. He's OCD, so he's troubled by carpet stains, the outdoors, dirt, doors, locks, pretty much everything. He's a great con artist, though, and he and Frank work well together.

Roy starts seeing a new psychiatrist, who helps him start to work on his life and his problems. In the midst of all of this, Roy discovers he has a daughter who rockets into his life, shaking him up and perhaps helping him through his disorder.

The Players
Nicolas Cage (Leaving Las Vegas, Windtalkers) plays Roy. He's obsessive. He's compulsive. He's a little bit hatable, a little bit likeable and always pitiable. He's great in this role and it's nice to finally not be embarassed for him in a film. He's got great timing and he's just plain fun to watch in this film.

Sam Rockwell (Charlie's Angels, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) is Frank. Frank's the young gun, Roy's protege. He's flashy, he's funny, he's the personality of the duo. He relies on Roy to teach him and to take him along on the job and to help make him a better artist on the job. I am slightly obsessed with Sam Rockwell, and he's just added to the millions of reasons I love him in this film.

Alison Lohman (White Oleander) plays Angela, Roy's long lost daughter. She's plucky, she's adorable, she's funny. She's also very true as a 14 year old girl who is struggling with being 14 and with finding a new dad that was never there. Especially given the fact that Alison (the actress) is 24 years old.

Overall
I have to admit that I assumed the entire film was shown in the preview. I'll be the first to admit that was definitely not the case. This movie is so much better than the preview could show without giving all of it away. It's not just about a guy who learns to be a dad, although that is a part of it. And it's not just about a girl who finds her father after 14 years, although that's a part of it. It's not just a movie about con men, although that's most of it.

It's about the cons we live in every day. It's about our relationships and our neurosis and what keeps us in the job we're in. It's about how we choose to live and whom we choose to trust. It's funny, it's dramatic, it's scary. It's everything a movie should be.

The film is well written, well conceived and well shot. The actors are amazing, right down the line. The more that I look back on the film, the more that I find myself liking it.

To Sum Up
Matchstick Men is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, violence, some sexual content and language. The body count is low, there's no nudity and the language is pretty tame.

This movie is a definite must-see. It's going up there with The Italian Job and Seabiscuit as one of the better movies to see this year.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Seabiscuit

2003-07-28T21:13:57Z

This amazing true story opens in America at the turn of the century: opportunity is everywhere. People can strike out with 29 cents in their pockets and make a living. One could imagine that imagination and prosperity, growing hand in hand in a nation of ingenuity, could take anyone anywhere. And then the crash came.

This story is about men who lost something: money, family, their world, their way of life. The story is about 3 men who find one another and ride a path to history. There is Red Pollard (played by Tobey Maguire of Spiderman), a Canadian boy who loses his family when his parents send him to work with a horse owner in the American west. He grows up without the family he loved and who nutured him in a world of horses and racing and vices and fighting. He shows great spirit, but he's constantly lost, an orphan in a very unforgiving world.

Red comes to work at the race tracks at Agua Caliente in Tijuana along with Tom Smith (Chris Cooper of Lonestar), a quiet man of the range who trains horses. Tom is a man who is losing his world: the west of open ranges and freedom is rapidly being replaced by a west fenced in with barbed wire and traversed by automobiles. He is a man out of place in the new world of assembly lines, combustion engines and car races.

Thrown into this mix of horse races, gambling and chance is Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges of The Contender). He's a bicycle repairman turned car salesman who loses himself with the loss of his family. He wanders through part of his life, pushed by his friends, but at a loss for meaning and heart. He finds a woman who reminds him how to live and he finds the will to take some chances and to learn to live again.

These men's lives intersect with one tremendous horse, Seabiscuit. The Biscuit is a grandson of Man O' War. He was foundering in claiming races when his path crossed that of Tom Smith. Smith saw something in the horse's spirit that no one else seemed to see or cared to search for.

The film takes us beautifully through the story of each man and his relationship with the horse as well as each other. It shows us about second chances and redemption and the struggle. It also gives a glimpse into the backdrop against which this amazing team rose: a time of temperance, of poverty, of tremendous pain. Into all of that comes this small horse with a funny gait ridden by an oversized jockey, trained by a crackpot who lived in the bush and owned by a car dealer too dumb to realize his risks. It's the ulitmate underdog story, the Rocky of horse racing.

This film is beautiful in every way: the story, the editing, the blocking, the imagery, the acting, all of it. The story is moving, moreso because it's true. Granted, there are plenty of things left out of the story from the book. But the story doesn't suffer for it. We still understand the heart of the story, the meat of it. And that's what makes it grand. It's timeless. The book, of course, will always be better than the film. There's more history, more background, more in depth understanding of the men involved. But at no point did I find myself thinking "what about this?" or "hey, where's that part?" because once the film starts and you let yourself into the story, it's easy to become swept away.

This film is, simply put, the best film I've seen this year.
Save me the seat in the middle.

Lara Croft in Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.

2003-07-28T12:40:20Z

Okay, seriously, I can't bring myself to waste the time or the bandwidth on this one, so I'm summing it up:
The Scottish guy was cute.
The movie sucked.
Sharks don't GROWL. Ask anyone who knows me well: Sharks terrify me. I study them so I can know their weaknesses. They don't have voiceboxes.

I'm just saying.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

2003-07-16T17:56:30Z

Gore Verbinski, a fairly decent director in his own right (Mouse Hunt, The Mexican), has finally hit it big with a blockbuster in this swashbuckling adventure based on, of all things, a ride at Disney World.

The Plot:
Captain Jack Sparrow is on a quest. He is pursuing the Black Pearl, a pirate ship full of accursed men. Along his quest, he joins up with Will Turner, a blacksmith apprentice rescued years before from pirates as a youth. Will seeks to save the woman he loves from the very men whom Sparrow seeks. (Handy, right?) There's gold, there's a curse, there's adventure, it's a pirate movie.

The Players:
Johnny Depp (Chocolat, The Astronaut's Wife) plays Sparrow. He's a rogue who finds himself more often than not in a tight spot and out of which he must try to talk his way clear. Depp reminds us with his lovely brown eyes and impossibly high cheekbones why we tolerate his eccentricities: he's a hottie. Not only that, but a hottie with talent. He's charming, he's funny, he's a bit self-deprecating, he still manages to be arrogant and self-centered, but ultimately finds himself being 'a good man.' He's just plain the pirate any girl wants to capture her and spirit her away to his pirate ship.

For the girls who didn't like Johnny's adventurous ilk, there's also Orlando Bloom (Black Hawk Down, Lord of the Rings) as Will. He's the law-abiding, polite, quiet mild-mannered blacksmith who obviously loves Elizabeth, the governor's daughter, but the rules of society prevent him from wooing her. That is, until he falls in with pirates. His struggle with being the guy who follows the rules (as he was raised) versus being the pirate that is in his blood dominates his story in this film. He is, of course, not hard on the eyes either.

And for the boys to enjoy, we have Kiera Knightley (Bend it Like Beckham), the governor's daughter who hates being tied to her societal place. She understands what her father's expectations are for her (to marry well and give birth to lovely, well mannered children), but she yearns for adventure, to be free. She obviously loves Will in return, but understands they are not meant to mingle.

Leading the pirate charge is Geoffrey Rush (Shine, Frida, Quills) as Capt. Barbarossa. His driving force is to reverse the curse that was purchased for him and his crew by his greed. He's a bit charming, in his disgusting and evil way, and ultimately he's a laudable bad guy.

Other notables in the film include Jack Davenport ("Coupling", Talented Mr. Ripley) as Norrington, the colonial authority in Port Royal and Elizabeth's intended, as well as Jonathan Pryce (Evita, Carrington) as Elizabeth's father, a well-meaning father and local governor.

Overall:
First off, let me just say that it's been a long time since we've had a good pirate movie. I can't actually even think of a good one that wasn't a satire (The Pirate Movie comes to mind there) other than the great old adventures of the 30s, like Captain Blood. Those cats knew how to make a movie. So I think we may have been due.

Also, I definitely had my doubts. I mean, the thing is based on a RIDE. At an Amusement park. But, if the Ducks can go to the Stanley Cup, then I supposed Disney can find a hit with a movie based on a ride.

The film is, quite frankly, the second best of the summer. The Italian Job is the best so far as I'm concerned. It has the right combination of humor, adventure, terror, suspense, romance and gold. Not to mention some definite eye candy for all the teams, a well-written story with some exposition and depth and, well, a whole hell of a lot of fun. It is so obvious that every one involved with this film is on their own adventure, it's as if you can't help but be swept up in the mood.

The film is visually beautiful, right down to the disconcertingly bad teeth and the reproduction of the scene from the ride. The blocking is fantastic and the imagery is great. Every time someone sang the song from the ride, I had to giggle. I had to face it, this is just a fun, well-written, well-acted, and well-shot movie. It's been a long time since I'd seen one, so it was difficult to recognize, but there it is.

Oh, one more thing, thank GOD for the lack of stop-action karate. It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's just that it's overdone and frankly, a bit tired. It slows down the action of the fight and it just serves to distract. In The Matrix it served a point of proving the impossibility; in Charlies Angels and Mission Impossible, it's just showing off the big budget for special effects. This film, thankfully, spent their special effects money on the pirates and not the stop action. Thank the maker for that.

To Sum Up:
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is rated PG-13 for action/adventure violence. The language is fine, there's no nudity, and although the body count is actually fairly high, the violence isn't entirely too gory nor that bad.

This is, like I said, one of the best movies of the summer. I'll definitely be investing in it once it's available for home enjoyment, and I'll likely go and see it again once or twice this year. In a summer full of sequels, it's nice to have an original. Even though I know there will be sequels and the sequels will, invariably, most likely suck.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

2003-07-16T17:03:38Z

So I figured I've see the first two, I really do need to finish out the series. I'm not sure what the compulsion is, but well, I feel it. Sort of like the need to watch the train wreck as it happens.

The Plot:
Well, if you've seen the other two, you know that Judgement Day was coming. And then they averted it. But, unfortunately, it still happens. Skynet (the great huge computer controlling all other computers and machines) becomes self-aware and destroys the human race. But John Connor will be there to lead the resistance to destroy the machines. Given that they couldn't kill his mom when she was pregnant (the first one) and they certainly couldn't kill him when he was a teen (the second one), the machines have sent back another Terminator to kill all of his lieutenants. Obviously, if they can get him while they're at it, that'd be icing on the cake.

The Players:
Not able to get Edward Furlong (which is okay, because, frankly, he's become rather scary looking) back, apparently, Nick Stahl (Man Withough a Face, In The Bedroomgets the nod as Connor, the future leader of the resistance. He's a loner, he's scared all the time, he's got a great stubble thing going on. He's not bad. It's not like we haven't had 2 previous films' worth of exposition to understand his character, so he's pretty easy to figure out. It's not like the role requires much in the way of depth.

Claire Danes (Brokedown Palace, The Mod Squad) plays Kate Brewster, one of John's future lieutenants and daughter of the dude who initates SkyNet. She's another great actor is a fairly flat story that doesn't challenge her talent. Ah, well, it is an action movie.

Arnold Schwarzenegger reprises his role as the one and only, well, at least one of many identical Terminators. Again, he's the good guy, sent to protect John from the newest of assasination machines. At least as a cybernetic organism, he's not required to strain his acting talent. So he's his old self.

Kristianna Loken is a relative newcomer who plays T-X, the newest of the baddies, sent to kill John and Kate. You may have seen her in "Mortal Kombat: Conquest" or you may have had a life and missed that show. She's, well, pretty. And she walks like a model. Which is all she's asked to do.

Overall:
Let's face it, it's a Terminator movie. There are some fanTAStic crashes, explosions, fights, and special effects. We get a little emotional nod about Sarah and why she's not in this one (other than the fact that it's 12 years later, and it was a weak script) and we get some idea of why this movie will keep coming back to haunt us. But the reality is, this is a fun summer blockbuster of a movie where there are pretty girls, lots of explosions and very little plot. So, well, looking at it that way, it's firmly placed itself in the top 5 or 6 movies I've seen so far in terms of entertainment value.

Not to mention the fact that I was never anxious to leave, bored or distracted. The film is actually a good way to pass a couple of hours if you have nothing else to do. The die hard Terminator fans may feel differently about this film. I'm one of those people who's seen the 2 previous, enjoyed them and didn't think that badly of this one. Maybe it's because I expected the worst. Or maybe because this movie is just that: not a bad movie.

To Sum Up:
Terminator 3 is rated R for strong Sci-Fi violence and action, and for language and brief nudity. Given that the movie is called "Terminator" the body count is high. The language isn't as bad as one might think and the nudity is brief and mostly bootie shots.

It's a good action flick with lots of destruction, it's not bad if you enjoy the series. Definitely worth the matinee price to get out of the heat for a couple of hours and be distracted.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

2003-07-14T19:35:37Z

I got a little behind on my movie reviews. It happens in the summer time.

The Plot:
The girls are back at it: they've got to save the world, or at least a lot of innocent people. A database containing the identities of witnesses in federal protection has fallen into sinister hands. Witnesses start dying, and the Angels are on the case to protect the innocent. Or at least the ones who cut deals to turn State's Witness. They are doing all this while fighting a so-called "Fallen Angel" and their old nemesis, the Thin Man.

The Players:
Back in their roles as Natalie, Dylan and Alex are Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore. I don't list them separately, because, well they're all pretty much the same as the first movie and the same as each other: they're hot, they're smart, they're funny, they defy the laws of physics. It's not like this film requires them to be cerebral or deep; it's mostly about the kicking ass and taking names and then doing a car wash sequence at the end of the film.

Bill Murray doesn't return as Bosley, but his brother, Jimmy, played by Bernie Mac, fills in the role just fine. He's funny, he's charming, but he just doesn 't have that lounge singer wanna be vibe that Murray had. Don't get me wrong, he's definitely enjoyable, but, well, he just doesn't have the same chemistry with the girls that Murray did in the first flick.

Demi Moore shows up as Madison, the Fallen Angel. She's hot, she's tough, she's everything the other girls are, only twice their age and evil. Therefore, she's much more sultry and a lot more over the top.

Other notables in the flick include Crispin Glover, who reprises his role as the Thin Man. Although in this film, you may be surprised by his actions. And a little freaked out. As per usual with Glover. Shia LeBeouf (Holes) shows up as a witness who needs defending, Justin Theroux ("Six Feet Under") plays Seamus, the new baddie who takes great joy in beating up the girls; Robert Patrick (Terminator 2) as Ray Carter, the DoD guy the girls are sent to save.

Returning for another showing in the sequel are Matt LeBlanc and Luke Wilson as well.

Overall:
Let's be honest. We're not looking for strong plot, compelling story or even character development when it comes to these girls. Women want to see girls kicking ass on screen and guys want to see lots of tits and ass. The movie delivers in both areas. Now, me, I'm a bit of a purist. I'd like a new plot. I'd like a twist that wasn't done in the first film. (I'm not kidding, it's the exact same plot twist--how disappointing). I'd like the girls to obey MOST of the laws of gravity. I'd like to see more of Luke Wilson. Oh, wait, that's not realism, that's just my Luke Wilson obsession.

What's missing from the first film in this isn't the action or the comedy, but it's the story. And a bad guy you love to watch. Maybe it's because Sam Rockwell is a better actor than Demi Moore. Maybe it's because I'm just done with Demi Moore. I'm not sure. But there wasn't anything to keep me watching this flick. Even the friendship between the three girls was lukewarm. I'm not sure, I htink I just felt like the film was missing something: that spark, that snap that was there in the first. I wasn't there for the special effects (I mean, come on, what haven't they already done in The Matrix?) or to watch girls kick butt, I was just there until the end because, frankly, I hadn't paid for it. And the outtakes were funny.

To Sum Up:
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is rated PG-13 for action violence, sensuality and language/inuendo. It's got plenty of butt shots, not much in the way of nudity, a relatively modest body count and pretty harmless language. If you're looking for 2 hours of mindless entertainment, you got it. If you're looking for a new story, watch the first one again.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Legally Blonde 2:Red White and Blonde

2003-07-14T19:08:23Z

Some movies just shouldn't have sequels.

The Plot:
(If you can call it that) Elle Woods is that sassy blonde who made us laugh and cry and think twice about lawyers in Legally Blonde. She was funny, she was charming, she was naive. And now she's back. This time, it's all about the animal testing. She's trying to plan her wedding, and she wants her Chihuahua's mother to attend. That's right, she wants her dog's mother to attend her wedding. In looking for Bruiser's mother, she discovers that animals are used for cosmetic testing. And she decides to change the law so it stops. So she goes to Washington. And the inaccuracies and idiocy ensue.

The Players:
Reese Witherspoon (Sweet Home Alabama)reprises her role as Elle. In the first film, Elle was naive but sassy. She was fun and playful. In this film, she's too over the top naive, too over the top sorority girl and just plain an idiot. She's just what she was in the first film, only entirely too much. She ceases to be entertaining or enjoyable after about an hour.

Sally Field plays Rep. Victoria Rudd. She's fine in her role: the older stateswoman who helps along her younger counterpart until it no longer benefits her, blah blah blah. I have no problem with her acting, but the role is flat, she's neither likeable nor hateable and this I have a problem with.

Regina King (Jerry Maguire, How Stella Got Her Groove Back) plays Grace, the cynical long time Washington staffer who strives to put Elle in her place. She's got all the requisite bitterness and crankiness. Again, no problem with the acting.

Jennifer Coolidge (A Mighty Wind, Best in Show) is a bright space in the film, reprising her role as Paulette, the slightly slow hair dresser. She's ridiculously funny and worth about half of the admission price.

Other notables include Bob Newhart as a doorman who knows more than he lets on, Bruce McGill as a gun-toting, conservative Representative from Alabama who is okay with his gay dog and Luke Wilson as Emmett, Elle's fiance.

Overall:
Okay, first off, the film is a mildly entertaing way to spend a couple of hours. There were some funny moments and there were some stupid moments. If you know anything about how Washington actually works, you'll spend most of your time rolling your eyes and saying, "oh come ON" and if you were in a sorority, you'll insist a phone tree can't be organized that quickly. Oh, and if you get sick of the animal rights angle in movies, this is definitely not the film for you (mostly because there are few, if any, companies who test on animals after the flak that Mary Kay got back in the 80s).

The film was exceptionally forgettable. Which is disappointing, given how charming the first one was. I guess I wasn't disappointed, mostly because a film that charming and surprisingly funny would never make a good sequel, no matter who was involved. So, well, it's not the worst movie I've seen this summer (I'd say that was From Justin to Kelly), it's definitely far from the best.

To Sum Up:
Legally Blonde 2 is rated PG-13 for some sex-related humor. The language isn't bad, there's no nudity or sex and there's little to no violence. There's also almost no accuracy in the film either.

If you really have to see it, find a value theater ($2 or less) or wait for it to make it to cable.
Save me the seat in the middle.

note: Iwas required by Brad to tell everyone that his reaction to this movie was, "Fuck." Not an entirely positive reaction. I remind him that it got us out of the house in an air conditioned setting. It was at least worth that.

2 Fast 2 Furious

2003-06-18T17:20:28Z

So it's the number one movie in the country. I had to see it.

The Plot:
Brian O'Connor is an ex-LAPD cop who's moved to Miami and settled into a nice life of street racing and basically living day to day. He's contacted by Customs to help out with a case, tying a drug lord to dirty money. He takes the job (in order to clear his name of all the charges still residing against him in LA) and ropes a friend into helping him out. So, pretty much it's fast cars, hot guys, not a lot of plot.

The Players:
Paul Walker (The Fast and the Furious, Joy Ride) reprises his role as O'Connor. He's not any better an actor, nor is he any smarter, but he's still damn hot. And that's really all you need in this film: someone who can get through the lines and who looks good in the car.

Tyrese (Baby Boy) plays Roman Pearce, O'Connor's childhood friend who is under house arrest. He's an angry young man, mad at is friend, mad at the cops, mad at the world. He's good at this. He's not the world's greatest actor, but he's got some great arms. And that's okay.

Eva Mendes (Training Day) plays Monica Fuentes. She's a customs agent who's been undercover with Carter Verone (the drug lord). She's been undercover for 11 months. Again, flat acting, but pretty.

There realy aren't any other notables in this flick other than Ludacris, who makes his big screen debut here.

Overall:
The film delivers pretty much what the first film delivered: a weak story, pretty but mediocre actors, and some fantastic cars. The film moves relatively quickly, but that's mostly because it's focused on the racing and the driving. Which is fantastic. The special effects used to create this film and its impossible camera angles are amazing. The cars are fantastic, the way the film is shot is fantastic. Unlike most sequels, this one doesn't have more gore or a higher body count, but it does destroy a few more cars than the first.

It's nothing that's going to change your life, but it will definitely entertain you for a couple of hours, and what more could you want? Besides a plot, I mean.

To Sum Up:
2 Fast 2 Furious is rated PG-13 for street racing, violence, language and some sensuality. There aren't that man bodies, there's plenty of racy clothing and the language isn't that bad.

If you liked the first, this one is enjoyable. If you hated the first, don't bother. If you need some eye candy and some ass-kicking cars for a couple of hours, this is definitely worth the matinee price.

That's it for me.
Save me the seat in the middle.

Hollywood Homicide

2003-06-16T02:53:27Z

Okay, I'll admit it, I was expecting the worst. I wasn't entirely disappointed.

The Plot:
Joe and K.C. are homicide detectives with jobs on the side. They're an unlikely pair, one a gruff old timer and the other obviously a young legacy. They work together on a homicide case that involves a hip hop group who are about to make it big. The detectives have to navigate their way through the hip hop world to work their case, all the while holding down second and third jobs and just trying to stay afloat.

The Players:
Harrison Ford (if I have to tell you, you got no business reading movie reviews) plays Joe Gavilan. Joe's hit middle age. He's got three ex-wives, a couple of mortgages and hopes for financial success that haven't quite been realized. He's gruff, he's a loner and he drinks some damn fine scotch in his off time. He also moonlights as a realtor. Ford isn't a comic actor. He's a dramatic actor who has some comic timing. But he's not a comedy guy. And unfortunately, this occasionally shows through in his performance. At times, it's very comfortable, but at others, it just feels like he's forcing us to see him as funny. It's somewhat hard to take. Don't get me wrong, he has some great scenes that are quite funny, but as a whole, I found myself thinking that a gruff older partner would have been better played by James Woods or Bruce Willis. I believe if this film had been sold to me as an action flick rather than as a comedy, I'd have been much more comfortable with him in it. Call me picky (I know. I am, you don't actually have to call me picky).

Josh Hartnett (Pearl Harbor, 40 Days and 40 Nights) plays K.C. He's a young cop who's trying to put behind him the death of his father (also a cop) who was killed on duty. He isn't sure he wants to be on the force, he's not the greatest of detectives and he can't shoot for shit. He's also exceptionally beautiful, teaches yoga and gets all the girls. Hartnett has a little more comedic talent, and he's evidently a lot more comfortable than Ford seems to be. Somehow his performance just seems to have a better flow.

Isaiah Washington (Ghost Ship, "Soul Food") plays Sartain, the record company executive who finds himself under suspicion for the murders. He's smooth, he's hot, he's charming, he's great. But mostly eye candy. And I'm okay with that. Other notables include Lolita Davidovich (Mystery Alaska, Blaze) as a sassy madame and Lena Olin (Chocolat, Havana) as Ruby, a sultry radio hostess. You'll also be subjected to performances by Dwight Yoakum, Keith David, Master P, Lou Diamond Phillips, Martin Landau, Smokey Robinson and Gladys Knight, to name but a few.

Overall:
Like I said, I expected the worst. I mean, come on it's another buddy cop movie. This one hates that one, that one doesn't want to be a cop anymore, blah blah blah. I was expecting 2 hours of crap. Crap with pretty people in it, mind you, but crap. But I heard some good reviews. And so I decided to give it a shot. I'm not so sure I'm glad I did. The story, first of all, is lousy. The direction is fine. The actors are all great. It's just that there's no chemistry and no flow between them. There's no love in the film. And I don't mean no lovin' because there's plenty of that. It's just that when you watch a film where there's great chemistry, even if it stinks, you can feel the love from the film. The best example I can think of right now? The Italian Job. Just sitting there watching, you can tell that everyone involved in that film loved it. And there was great chemistry. So it was fun to watch. This film had a few moments where I could feel the love, but for the most part it fell flat.

This film is made up of forced relationships, the requisite shouting commanding officer, the excellent explosions and good chase scenes, the pretty girls, but no love. There was no good chemistry, no flow. Maybe it's because the story was weak. Maybe it's because it lasted too long. Maybe it's because I was more excited about the previews, including the one for the new Kevin Costner western, than I was at any point in the film. Maybe it's because we spent a lot of time with exposition we didn't need and yet there were holes left in the plot as big as a bus (where was Gavilan getting the extra money IA was talking about?) Maybe it's just because I'm not ready to let Harrison Ford lower himself into the buddy cop flick formula (even though he is). I'm not sure, but the film was, pretty much, solidly mediocre. And in a summer full of movies that are well-written, well-acted, with plenty of chemistry and plenty of love, this film just disappointed me. I was even hoping that it'd try to make fun of the buddy cop formula for a little more camp humor. But no go. And even if I try to lump it into the "2 hours of madcap fun with pretty boys in it" category, it still falls flat. Because there was no madcap fun, and I just wasn't compelled enough to stay tuned.

To Sum Up:
Hollywood Homicide is rated PG-13 for violence, sexual situations and language. There's not much in the way of nudity other than underwear, the body count is somewhere around 8 and the language is mild enough for a PG 13. If you absolutely must see every movie that Harrison Ford or Josh Hartnett does, see it. Otherwise, I'd wait for it to make the ABC Monday Night Movie. Wait, does ABC still do that?
That's it for me tonight.
Save me the seat in the middle.

Bruce Almighty

2003-06-10T18:19:20Z

The Plot:
Bruce is a nice guy. He's a funny guy. He's a guy with a great girlfriend who teaches at a day care. He's also a guy that got picked over for a promotion he wanted. He's a guy who then lost his job altogether. He's a guy who thinks God has fallen down on the job. So God, in His infinite wisdom, gives Bruce His job.

The Players
Jim Carrey (Dumb and Dumber, Liar Liar) plays Bruce. Any time I see a Carrey movie I get a little nervous that it'll be too over the top. But in this role, he's great both as the guy who gets dumped on and the guy who discovers what it means to be God. He's charming, he's devious and he's just plain funny.

Jennifer Anniston (Picture Perfect, The Good Girl) plays Grace, Bruce's girlfriend who sees him for so much more than he believes himself to be. She's funny, she's charming, she's got great hair.

Morgan Freeman (High Crimes, Along Came a Spider) plays God. He's so perfectly cast, as he's down to earth, a straight shooter but just enigmatic enough to be intriguing. And I can't imagine a better actor to play God in this film.

Other notables in the film include Steve Carell ("The Daily Show"), Nora Dunn ("SNL") and Catherine Bell ("JAG").

Overall:
This film was a pleasant surprise for me. I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't this. It's funny, it's charming, it actually has a message that isn't too preachy but gets the point across just fine. It's a film that reminds us that what we want and what we need aren't necessarily always the same thing. It reminds us that when we take the focus off of ourselves and shift it to others, we can sometimes find the person we really are. The chemistry is good, and Carrey has learned the right time to turn on the silly and the right time to turn it off. And that, ultimately, makes the movie fun. And occasionally touching.

To Sum Up:
Bruce Almighty is rated PG-13 for language, sexual content and crude humor.

It's a good date movie, a fun Jim Carrey movie if you like his stuff, and it's just generally an enjoyable 2 hours. Definitely worth seeing if you've already seen the other summer blockbusters, and it makes a nice change from the summer of remakes, sequels and comic book adaptations.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Finding Nemo

2003-06-10T17:56:01Z

In this summer of remakes and sequels, Disney's hit on a new story with Finding Nemo.

The Plot
Marlin, a clownfish, finds himself combing the ocean to find his son, Nemo, who was captured by a diver off Australia's Great Barrier Reef. He's an over protective and nervous father, having only Nemo after a tragic incident with a barracuda robs him of his wife and several thousand other children. Along the way, Marlin learns about bravery, friendship and letting go.

The Players
Albert Brooks (Defending Your Life, The Muse) is Marlin. He's neurotic. He's nervous. He's constantly second guessing himself and his actions. He doesn't trust anyone easily, from himself to his son to anyone else remotely responsible for Nemo's safety. He learns, though, during the course of searching out the one thing he loves the most that letting go isn't the same as giving up.

Ellen Degeneres (EdTV, The Love Letter) plays Dory, a scatterbrain who be-friends Marlin and helps Marlin in the search for his son. She's got no ability to form new memories. Think Memento but underwater. And funny. Her unflappable cheerfulness is absolutely priceless in this role.

Other notable voices include Willem DaFoe as an angel fish who constantly yearns to return to the sea; Brad Garrett ("Everybody Loves Raymond") as a puffer fish who's a little touchy, Allison Janney ("The West Wing") as Peach, a starfish in the aquarium that becomes Nemo's temporary new home, Geoffrey Rush (Pirates of the Carribbean, Shine) is Nigel, a pelican who helps Nemo and his father find one another. You may also recognize Bill Hunter's voice as the Dentist. Hunter was Muriel's dad in Muriel's Wedding.

Overall:
This is a modern fairy tale with all of the concerns of the modern world: the sharks that hunt us, the people that can trap us, the friends that put us in danger when trying to help us and so on. True to all Disney fairy tales, mom is missing and it comes down to a child and a father trusting one another. It's a story about friends and finding ourselves. It's about a fish looking for his son.

It's funny, it's visually stunning. The acting is great, the animation unbelievable and the story is compelling. There are times when it feels a bit long, especially for kids, but it holds up well and the whole thing is just a good hour and 40 minutes of fun.

To Sum Up
Finding Nemo is rated G. Obviously, no concerns about violence, language or sex. Although there are some scary chase scenes.

This is definitely a fun movie and you don't have to have kids with you to enjoy it. In fact you might enjoy it more.

Save me the seat in the middle.

The Italian Job

2003-06-05T17:52:18Z

The nice thing about this remake is that no one seemed to see the original.

The Plot:
A group of thieves are double crossed after stealing $35 million in gold bricks. During the double cross, one of them is killed. The group tracks down the rat, enlists the help of the dead man's daughter and set up their own perfect crime.

The Players:
Mark Wahlberg (Planet of the Apes, Perfect Storm) plays Charlie Croker. Charlie is a good theif, a great strategist and a charming bugger. His father figure is killed during the course of the double cross, so his revenge is more about retribution than it is about money. Markie Mark hasn't developed any more acting skills, but he's a competent action hero and a cutie, so he'll do for this flick.

Charlize Theron (Men of Honor, Devil's Advocate plays Stella Bridger. Her father, John, was an old school theif and safecracker. She becomes a safe technician herself, but for the good guys. She needs some closure from her father's death, as she never had a chance to get right with him while he was alive.

Edward Norton (Primal Fear, Fight Club) is Steve Frezelli, the conniving rat who double crossed the team. He's smarmy, he's creepy and he's great at it. He's fantastic in this role, which is true for pretty much any role he plays. Even in Death to Smoochy.

The team is rounded out by Seth Green (Austin Powers, America's Sweethearts) as Lyle, the real Napster, Jason Statham (Snatch, The Transporter) as Handsome Rob the driver and Mos Def (Monster's Ball, Brown Sugar) as Left Ear the demolition guy and Franky G (Confidence) as Wrench, the ridiculously hot mechanic who soups up the Coopers. He makes them Soupers. Heh heh.

Overall:
This movie is the best of all genres: a heist flick. I know I haven't talked about heist flicks very much, but that's mostly because it's been a long time since I saw a really good one. This movie? It's a great one. The cast is perfect, the plan ingenous, the chemistry fantastic. There is just the right combination of eye candy (for the girls and for the boys), fabulous dialogue, kick-ass race scenes and a couple of good fights. The characters are charming and funny, and the bad guy is truly despicable. What else could you ask for in a good heist flick?

Honestly, this flick is shaping up to be the best of the summer.

To Sum Up:
The Italian Job is rated PG-13 for violence and some language. The body count is fairly low, the language fine and there's no nudity.

This is, quite possibly, one of the best movies I've seen in a long long time. If I had to pick only one movie to go see this summer, this would be the one. You may have missed the original, but definitely don't miss this remake.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Down With Love

2003-06-05T15:56:55Z

Peyton Reed, a native of NC, brought us Bring it On. Now he makes fun of the 1960s genre love story. And it's a hoot.

The Plot:
Barbara Novak is a newcomer to NYC in 1963. She's a feminist who's discovered a new way for women to get ahead in the workforce: Down With Love. Who needs a man when you can be Up With Chocolate? Her new book is an international best seller, and it's caught the eye and anger of Catcher Block. Block is the playboy about town who can't believe one book has ruined his love life. He sets out to prove that all Barbara Novak wants is love, just like everyone else.

The Players:
Renee Zellweger (Bridget Jones's Diary, Chicago) plays Barbara. She's sweet, she's sassy, she's a modern woman. She wears clothes with collars that are entirely too large. She's great in this role of a woman trying to think and act like a man, looking for sex but finding love.

Ewan McGregor (Star Wars, Moulin Rouge!) plays Catcher Block. He's a bastard. He's charming, he's smart, he's funny, he's hot, he's a ladies' man. He's a bastard. But he knows it, and he loves his playboy life. He's great in the role, but I was distracted by his unnaturally dark hair and eyebrows.

Sarah Paulson (What Women Want, The Other Sister) plays Vicki Hiller, Barbara's editor who wants success. She wants it all, including the respect she can't get from the men in the publishing house where she works and a husband and family.

David Hyde Pierce (Sleepless in Seattle, "Frasier") plays Peter MacMannus, Block's editor, boss and ardent worshipper. He's frustrated, he's nervous, he's lovelorn, he's fantastic.

Other notables in the film include Tony Randall as the CEO of Banner Publishing and Rachel Dratch ("SNL") as Gladys, Vicki's dumpy secretary who embraces Up With Chocolate.

Overall:
The film does a great job of poking fun at the genre. This is a film that could as easily have starred Rock Hudson and Doris Day, were it not for the obvious mocking. There are some frightfully clever scenes that will have you giggling like a school girl (even if you weren't ever a school girl) and then there are the scenes that will have you looking at your watch and shifting in your seat. Although the movie is fun, and the story is clever, it seems to drag on a bit longer than is entertaining. However, the end credits make all that waiting worth it. Mostly.

To Sum Up:
Down With Love is rated PG-13 for sexual humor and dialogue. There's no body count, no nudity and the language is fine. It's a good date movie, definitely a chick flick, and marginally fun. It's not a great movie, but it's also not the worst I've ever seen.

Save me the seat in the middle.

The Matrix Reloaded

2003-06-05T15:13:41Z

So this review is a little bit late, but my feelings about the movie aren't any different.
The Matrix Reloaded is one of about a bazillion sequels this summer. There are a couple of things that set this one apart: it's part of a trilogy and it doesn't have a colon in the title (unlike Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, X2: X-men United, etc).

The Plot:
Well, hmm, how do I say this? See the first one in order to understand the basic concept. If you don't have it, you can come to my place, we'll watch it and eat popcorn. So this film, much like X2, picks up where the first left off. No exposition, no "previously, in The Matrix" tags, nothing.

We find our band of disconnected humans struggling against an ever more aggressive group of agents who are knuckling down on them. Not to mention fearing for their underground home, Zion, which is under increasing pressure of attack. The rebels must find a way to stop the attack, save the city, and save themselves.

The Players:
Keanu Reeves (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) plays Neo, the wunderkind who is sent to save us all. He's, well, he's Keanu Reeves. Acting isn't is strong point. However, he's hot, he's cool, and he dresses well. And he kicks ass. Unfortunately we don't really learn much more about Neo in this film. There's no character development, really, other than the fact that he's the reluctant messiah. But he had that going on in the first film.

Carrie-Anne Moss (Chocolat, Memento) plays Trinity, Neo's love. Again with the cool factor, she's more protective of him, she's more his lover than just the girl who loves him. And we see a glimpse into how difficult she must find it to share Neo with everyone. Although for my taste, we don't see enough of it.

Laurence Fishburne (Hoodlum, Biker Boyz) reprises his role as Morpheus, who continues to essentially act as Neo's high priest. If we're making the messiah comparisons (and how could you not), where Trinity is the Magdalene, Morpheus is Peter. Plus he's cool, too.

Injected into this familiar mix, we meet some new rebels: Niobe, played by Jada Pinkett Smith (Kingdom Come, Ali), evidently a lost love of Morpheus and captain of her own ship; Link, played by Harold Perrineau Jr ("Oz", The Best Man), who is the new guy on the ship; as well as several others who just didn't impress me as much. I'm sorry, I'm impressionable.

Also returning to this is the tremendously creepy Agent Smith, played by Hugo Weaving (Lord of the Rings series). He's a program gone completely wild,and this time there are more of him. Other notables include Neil and Adrian Rayment as The Twins, who are simply the coolest characters in the film; Monica Bellucci (Tears of the Sun) as Persephone and Helmut Bakaitis as The Architect.

Overall:
The film is a strong middle of a story. So in some ways it's fantastic, in others it's lacking. But, again, it's the middle of the story. Much moreso than the first, we are left hanging at the end, knowing that there is more to come and that the story is incomplete. But it's a story well told, the effects are mind-bogglingly amazing and they don't feel gimmicky. Any time a film relies on so many special effects, there is always the worry that the effects will distract from the story. Granted, there were a lot more fights and the violence a bit more gratuitous, but the story never suffered for it.

The obvious nods to Star Wars are all there: the rebels fighting the empire, the rogue imperial agent who isn't entirely on the level with the Matrix, but isn't a fan of the humans, the above it all oracle who helps out the underdog. Not to mention that the heroes are always the underdogs.

Even though the story is weaker than the first, the acting is so-so and the effects can be distracting, the film, overall is fantastic. It is, simply put, tremendously fun to watch.

To Sum Up:
The Matrix Reloaded is rated R for sci-fi violence and some sexuality.
The body count goes up, theres some nudity, the language is nothing to worry about.
My suspicion is that this film will make the most over the summer for a couple of reasons: early release date (5/15) and repeat business. It's definitely a film during which one needs to pay attention, and one I suspect one could see over and over and still miss important clues.

X-Men II: X-Men United

2003-05-06T01:46:56Z

The Plot
There are mutants. There are humans. Each is afraid of the other. And a war is about to start, engineered by, who else? a military man with way too much secret information and power. In this, the most treacherous of times, mutants need to stand together or to fall apart.

Oh, and it's the sequel to X-Men

The Players
Patrick Stewart (Conspiracy Theory, "Star Trek: The Next Generation") plays Professor Xavier. The benevolent mutant who wants to lead the mutants all to peace and harmony. He's a teacher, he's a mutant, he's pretty much a minor character in this one.

Hugh Jackman (Someone Like You, X Men) is Wolverine. Logan's story is one that we got only a nibble on in the last film. This time the story is fleshed out, his past is explored, but still we are left with more questions than answers. However, we learn about the makeup of the man inside the metal skeleton.

Ian McKellan (Gods and Monsters, Lord of the Rings) is Magneto, the man every human and most of the mutants fear. He's the guy who's tired of running, tired of hiding and tired of being locked in a plastic cage. He's a guy with a nifty power who'd like to use it in his own favor. And hey, who can blame him? That's right, all the innocents he harms.

Famke Janssen (I Spy, Goldeneye) returns in her role as Dr. Jean Grey, the girl torn between the man she loves and the man who's a little dangerous and a lot sexy. She's also having a lot of trouble since that last film, but we're not entirely sure why. Probably something to do with messing around with Cerebro before she was ready.

Other notables in the film include Anna Paquin, Sean Ashmore, James Marsden, Halle Berry and Rebecca Romjin-Stamos all reprising their original roles from the first film (Rogue, Iceman, Storm, and Mystique) and newcomers Alan Cumming (Circle of Friends) as Nightcrawler and Kelly Hu ("Nash Bridges") as Deathstrike (I think. Correct me if I'm wrong).

Overall
I'll admit it, I don't read the comics. I have a huge pile of X Men comics and Wolverine Comics that chiabrit once gave me. I watched the cartoon religiously when I was in medical school. But I don't read the comic. That being said, this movie rocked.

There are a couple of premises that you have to accept in this film:
1- There will be more. This is a sort of never ending story.
2- You had to see the first.

The great thing about this flick is that it's not so much a sequel as the continuation of the story. And yet, it's not the obvious middle of a trilogy as, say Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It's a story in and of itself. It contains a beginning, middle and end. The resolution of this story is here, with the potential for more to follow, but this story is resolved. Another amazing thinb about this film, in this day and age of the sequel done to death is that this sequel assumes you've seen the first. And that's putting it mildly. It not only assumes you've seen it, it very nearly demands you've seen it. There is no back story. There is no introduction. There is no cute reminder time. Other than one brief reminder reference, this film is pretty much under the assumption that everyone is on the same page, story-wise.

And that is what makes it so incredibly strong as a sequel. It doesn't waste your time or energy with backstory, other than the back story you never knew (Wolverine's past, Bobby's family, Stryker's history with the mutants). And that is what makes this story amazing.

That and the special effects and fight scenes? Seriously, I was blown away. True to all sequels, interestingly, the body count in this one goes way up as well. And the language a bit worse, but the story is simply amazing. This may be one of the only times in history when the sequel is actually as strong a movie as the original. Name me another series that does this.

Don't get me wrong, I had my share of "oh, come ON" moments in the film. But the story is so well written, well played and well shown that I delightfully let it go until after the film was over. And it never detracted from my pure enjoyment of this film.

To Sum Up
X-Men 2: X-Men United--Let me just take an aside here, it should really be Mutants United, not X-Men United, because, well, aren't the X-Men, by definition, united? They're the X-Men. They're all on the same team. It's when you add these new kids that there's a reason to point out the unitedness. So to speak. I digress. --is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action/violence, some sexuality and brief language. The language ain't bad. The body count is high, though. Wolverine doesn't keep himself from doing some killin' in this one. There's no nudity or sex, but there is some nice kissing.

If you even liked the first movie a bit, you'll definitely enjoy this one. It's a keeper. More than once in the theater and definitely worth purchasing the limited edition DVD when it comes out this Christmas.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Oh, another thing: there's a scene where Nightcrawler is hiding in a tree. If you go (or go back) to the film, look at his left hip. You'll see his fly wire (his safety rig). Seriously, this much money on special effects and digital imagery and no one caught that?

Confidence

2003-04-27T15:25:25Z

The Plot
Jake Vig is a con man. He has a team, he works his cons. He is, however, in deep trouble, as his team has managed to con the accountant for a crime kingpin, The King. The King has one of Jake's guys waxed. Jake strikes a deal with the King to get square and to get clear.

The Players
My husband Edward Burns (She's the One, Brothers McMullen) plays Jake. He's charming, he's lovely, he's a touch seedy, but he's the con man with a heart of gold. So to speak. He's great, because he's just dirty enough to pull this role off, but he's just school boy enough to charm us as we go.

Rachel Weisz (The Mummy, Beautiful Creatures) is Lilly, the smart talking pick pocket who is brought in as the new schill. She's pretty, she's devious, she's a redhead. Never trust a redhead.

Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie, Hook) plays the King. The King is, frankly, exceptionally creepy. He's mean, he's diabolical, but he's got ADD and it's easy to underestimate him. He is, though, the guy who insists "you're saying you're sisters. If you're going to eat each other, I want you to do it with some artistry." This dude gives me the wiggins.

Andy Garcia (Ocean's Eleven, Hero) plays Gunther Butan, the special agent on Jake's trail who manages to throw a monkey wrench in the works.

Other notables in the film include Brian Van Holt (Basic, Black Hawk Down) as Miles and Paul Giamatti (Big Momma's House, Duets) as Gordo, the guys on Jake's team. They're funny, they're smart, and they're loyal. Morris Chestnutt (The Best Man, Like Mike) plays a hit man who coaxes the entire story out of Jake via the use of a gun to the head.

Overall
This film is a great con film. Everyone loves a con movie, it makes them say "hey, maybe I could do that." We love the twists in a con film. And this film turns in the twists and turns with style. The chemistry is fantastic, the actors are great and the film flows exceptionally well. Jake is a fantastic story teller, and he draws us in the first 5 minutes.

The film is directed by James Foley, the guy who did Glengarry Glen Ross, and it has a very similar feel, for better or worse. The language is similar (not nearly as bad), but the film, while at times very rough, has a great tempo and flow.

To Sum Up
Confidence is rated R for language, violence and sexuality/nudity. The language is utterly ridiculous, there's some nudity (The King runs a strip joint) and plenty of violence. The body count is fairly low, though and it's not horribly gory.

This was definitely an enjoyable movie. It's got plenty of eye candy for the girls (Burns and Van Holt) and for the guys (Weisz and the strippers). The dialogue is snappy and fun and it's all around a film that delivers what it promises: a confidence scheme.

Save me the seat it the middle.

Identity

2003-04-26T14:25:58Z

The Plot
11 strangers find themselves trapped at a hotel in the middle of Nevada during a torrential rainstorm. During the course of their stay there, they manage to start dying. And the bodies disappearing.

The Players
John Cusack (Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity) is Ed, a limo driver who is trying to sort out what has happened with the storm and the killings. He's troubled but obviously a guy who can calm everyone and take charge in a crisis.

Ray Liotta (Goodfellas, Heartbreakers) plays Rhodes, a corrections guard transporting a convicted murderer who teams up with Ed to help sort through the deaths and disappearances. He's a little more rough around the edges, a little less calming.

Amanda Peet (Igby Goes Down, Saving Silverman) plays Paris, a hooker on her way to a better life. She's your typical tough girl turned on her way home girl, trading in her johns for orange and lime trees.

Other players include John C. McGinley("Scrubs"--my favorite show--, Platoon) as George, a mild-mannered and easily shaken man who's wife is injured at the opening of the film; Rebecca DeMornay (The Hand that Rocks the Cradle) looking ridiculously good with red hair as the spoiled, petty actress who's hired the limo. There are a couple of other actors whom I absolutely adore in this film, including Pruitt Taylor Vince (Beautiful Girls, Nobody's Fool), Alfred Molina (Chocolat, Frida) and Jake Busey (Home Fries).

Overall
This movie is intense, it's terrifying, it's scary, it's everything it promised to be. It makes you think, there's the twist that no one could have expected. It is, basically, everything you always wanted in a murder mystery/horror movie and more. The acting is great, the story lines all intersect beautifully, and the film is beautifully shot. Unlike most of the scary/intense movies I've seen lately, this one, while taking place at night, isn't completely in the dark. So I didn't spend the whole film being cranky because I couldn't see anything. Which was a nice change.

A truly good horror movie knows when to make you laugh and when to make you scream (now that I think about it, that's what I'm looking for in a boyfriend). This film does that. There are just enough moments of levity to leave you off the hook, intensity-wise, but it never quite lets you relax. It's bloody brilliant.

I actually considered sleeping in my mom's room last night, it was that good.

To Sum Up
Identity is rated R for strong violence and language. There's no nudity, the body count is 10 (if you get really technical, it's 16, but we only see pictures of the 6 and hear about them, we don't see them die), and the language is awful but not distracting.

Definitely see this movie if you like the scary, intense stuff. Absolutely see it if you like John Cusack or John McGinley. Amanda Peet isn't nearly as annoying as she usually is to me, so that was a plus, too. Definitely a keeper.

Next stop: Confidence
Save me the seat in the middle.

Holes

2003-04-20T15:19:32Z

Okay, I'll be upfront here. I've never read the book. So I have no idea if this is a good adaptation of the story. So don't ask.

The Plot
Stanley is a kid who's always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Walking down the street, he's hit in the head with a pair of shoes. Stolen shoes. Stolen famous shoes. Because of this, he winds up being sentenced to Camp Greenlake, a work camp for troubled boys. While in this camp, the story of his family (and their curse), as well as the story of Greenlake is wound around Stanley's own story.

The Players
Shia LeBeouf (TV's "Even Stevens") is Stanley. He's a kid trying to figure out where he fits in all of this. He's not a troubled youth, he has a family that cares about him, he's not actually guilty of stealing the shoes and he just wants to go home. LeBeouf does a great job of conveying all of this during the course of the film. Look for this kid to be around for a while (including in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle this summer).

John Voight (Midnight Cowboy, Mission Impossible) plays Mr. Sir, the guy who runs the camp. He's deranged, he's cranky, he's creepy, he's fantastic. He's also a little bit nuts. He plays the role exceptionally well.

Sigourney Weaver (Alien, Ghostbusters, Heartbreakers) is the warden. She's the one who is obsessively making the boys at Greenlake dig holes. She, too, is a little nutty. And a little scary. All of which she does quite well.

Other notables in the film include Patricia Arquette (Little Nicky, True Romance) as Kissin' Kate Barlow, part of the history of Greenlake, a teacher turned outlaw a la Cat Ballou. Dule Hill (Men of Honor, "The West Wing"</i>) plays Sam, the onion man who falls for Kate. Henry Winkler (Scream) and Siobhan Fallon (Men In Black) play Stanley's parents, who are also trying to struggle through the curse placed on the Yelnats family. Khleo Thomas is another newcomer to the screen as well (he was in Friday After Next but who saw that?) as Zero, Stanley's only friend in the camp.

Overall:
This is one of those movies that you forget is made for kids. It's funny, it's charming, it's magical and it's just plain a great story. The acting is great, the story is told beautifully, moving back and forth from Stanley's life to the history of the curse, to the story of Greenlake and Kate and back to Stanley, full circle. All of the stories are connected, and the film does such a great job of tying them together without making you slog through a bunch of back story or confusing you in the jump between stories.

This is definitely worth seeing. In a time when all the kids movies seem aimed at the fantastical or the magical, it's nice to get a story that doesn't involve a wizard or dragons or other planets. It's nice to see a story that encourages a look back at the past and how it affects our present and future. Granted, there are some magical elements to this story, but it's almost beside the point.

To Sum Up
Holes is rated PG for violence, mild language and some thematic elements.
The body count is relatively high (Kissin' Kate was a busy girl), there's no nudity or sex and the language merits only a PG rating. Definitely something your kids can see with you and yet still enjoy.

Save me the seat in the middle.

Bend It Like Beckham

2003-04-19T22:37:17Z

The one problem with Sanford's cheap movies is that we rarely get anything that even slightly might smell of independent. For that we have to go to Chapel Hill, which Laura and I did.

The Plot:
Jess is an Indian girl living with her family in London. She loves football (not our American football, but soccer). She's loved it since she was a child. And she's actually good at it. Unfortunately, her parents don't see her growing up to play football, they see her growing up to be a good traditional Indian woman who provides a loving home for her husband. Jess has to decide between doing what she loves or staying with her family, whom she loves.

The Players:
Parminder K. Nagra (Mostly British television work) plays Jess. She's a lovely girl who loves football. She worships at the foot of David Beckham, the UK's most favored football son. She is obviously a strong young woman who, although she wants her independence, also wants to please her family. She's marvelous.

Keira Knightly (Star Wars Episode I, and the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean) plays Jules, the girl who notices Jess's talent and brings her in to play on a team. She's Jess's friend, but also a sort of mentor when it comes to playing soccer. She's cute, she's charming, she's almost enough to turn Laura a lesbian (ie, she's hot).

Jonathan Rhys Meyers (Michael Collins, Titus) plays Joe, the Irish coach who encourages Jess and even tries to stand up to her parents. He's the hottie I was more interested in, so you know. He's funny, he's driven, he's Irish. What can I say?

Other notables in the film include Juliet Stevenson (Truly, Madly, Deeply) as Jules's mom who tries desperately to get her to be a girlie girl, Frank Harper (In the Name of the Father) as Jules's dad who loves that she loves football more than boys, Archie Panjabi and Anupam Kher play Jess's parents who are fighting their own insecurities while raising their daughters.

Overall
This film is one that's about growing up a stranger in your own country. It's about being different and finding a place to fit in. It's also about expectations: those of your friends, your peers, your family and yourself. It's well acted and well written. There are times when the story lags a bit, but it never really suffers. It's funny, it's romantic and it's got some great football.

To Sum Up
Bend it Like Beckham is rated PG-13 for language and sexual content. The violence is nil, the language isn't bad and there's no nudity or sex, just lots of bra shots.

Definitely worth full price. Not a bad date movie.

Okay, I'm off.
Save me the seat in the middle.

Anger Management

2003-04-12T15:38:52Z

One of the things I love about Sanford, as I've said before, is our movie theater. No, there are no stadium seats or Dolby surround. There isn't even fresh popcorn (it all comes from bags). But it's $2 on weekends and new movies open there. You guessed it, Anger Management opened up there.

The Plot:
Dave Buznik is a quiet, mild mannered guy who's spent most of his life being other people's whipping boy. From the kid who pantsed him during his first kiss to the boss who steals his ideas and makes him do all the work, Dave is, frankly, a pussy. On a business trip, he has a run-in with a flight attendant and ends up in an intensive anger management program, run by Dr. Buddy Rydell, a psychopath.

The Players:
Jack Nicholson (If I have to name some movies for you, I can't help you) plays Buddy. Buddy is unorthodox, he's pushy, he's psychotic and a little creepy. He's funny at times, other times just rude. But there's no denying that Jack Nicholson is one of the goofiest looking dudes on the planet. And it works for him. For once, he's not just playing himself over the top in a film, he's actually playing another character. And it's kind of nice.

Adam Sandler (Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds) plays Dave. Dave's a quiet guy, which Sandler is good at. He's great at being this unassuming nice guy who finally cracks under the pressure. Sandler turns in a great performance as well.

Marisa Tomei (My Cousin Vinny, What Women Want, The Guru) is Linda, Dave's girlfriend who sees him struggle to let out his anger and who is disturbed by his inability to kiss in front of strangers (see above about the bullying). She's cute, she's charming, she's also very minor in the film.

Other players who are notable include Alan Covert, Sandler's usual partner in crime (also a producer), as Andrew, Dave's main competition for Linda; John C. Reilly (The Hours, Chicago) as Arnie Shankman the bully, John Turturro (Mr. Deeds) as Chuck, Dave's "Anger Ally." Another notable is Lynne Thigpen (Lean On Me, "Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego") a the judge who assigns Dave to his therapy. The reason it's notable is the touch of sadness seeing her brings, as she recently died suddenly (March 12) of a heart attack.

Overall:
With the above noted actors and the producers that brought us so much goodness before, you'd think this one would hit it out of the park, right? Not so much. The movie has some very funny moments, and some great chemistry, but, frankly, the film as a whole tends to fall a bit flat. Maybe it's because we've seen so much hype and our expectations are higher. Maybe it's because Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds were so good. I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong, it's an enjoyable film, but it's not quite all that. So to speak.

Although I did about fall out of my chair laughing after hearing Rudy Giuliani yell "You can do eeet!" That was beautiful.

To Sum Up:
Anger Management is rated PG-13 on appeal for crude sexual content and language. (The 'on appeal' means that it was originally rated R, they appealed it and got it knocked back to a PG-13.) There's no nudity, the language could be worse and there's no death. But there is some violence to a car or two.

It's worth a matinee price (or $2 at my theater), and it's okay, but it's just mediocre enough to be disappointing. Extra points for you if you can name Frank's boyfriend/masseur (without waiting on the credits).

Save me the seat in the middle

DysFUNKtional Family

2003-04-12T15:08:29Z

So, the timing was off to see anything else but this, and I like Eddie Griffin, so what the heck, right?

The Plot:
There isn't really a plot here, since it's more of a performance piece. But here's the summary: Eddie Griffin (The New Guy, Double Take), a comedian, goes home to Kansas City for a family reunion and for one of his stand up shows. The film takes us through his stand up routine, cutting back and forth between the stand up and actual family time, family interviews and such.

The Players:
There's pretty much only one, and that's Eddie. We also meet, of course, his family. Mostly this is Eddie's mom and his three uncles. One of them wants to be a porn star and insists on showing everyone the 50 some movies he's made, and another is a recovering heroin addict. I can't remember what the story was with the third.

Overall:
Eddie can be a funny guy. He's been in some funny movies. His stand up, though, frankly, isn't funny enough to sit through an hour and a half of listening to him tell about his mother beating the crap out of him and his uncle shooting up heroin in his house. Don't get me wrong, there's some pretty funny stuff in there. But after a while, I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at some of this. And after an hour and a half of hearing every other word as either fuck or nigger, it become somewhat abrasive to the ears, and I couldn't even hear the comedy anymore. I think I even fell asleep in part of the middle.

Now I know, I'm the sheltered white girl who grew up in Montana and didn't know anything about heroin or such until moving to Seattle and being introduced to it via the emergency room in Harborview. And I know that I had 2 parents who didn't beat me or abandon me or insist on becoming porn stars. And I'm glad that this man has found some success as a comedian, turning what sounds like a pretty horrible life growing up into a success story. And I like some of his movies (My Baby's Mama looks like it'll actually be pretty good). But, well, I didn't much care for his stand up. That's all I'm saying.

To Sum Up:
DysFunktional Family is rated R for strong sexual content, language and drug-related humor.
This is something that is probably better watched as a rental or on a premium channel at home, and even then only if you like his stand up.

Save me the seat in the middle.